so i don't even know what to call this. it's just a silly and pointless story i wrote in a weak attempt to publically insult a friend of mine. he had posted "a renowned coolsmith" on his write-something-about-yourself section on facebook. and i personally don't believe in everything i read. so i responded with writing this in my bio:
Hello. My name is Jeremy Minney. And I'm here today to inform you about how un-cool Daniel Clement is, who is currently holding the rank of "Renowned coolsmith." allow me to explain:
Daniel Clement is not cool. Nor is he renowned. Or for that matter, nor is he a smith of any kind. A smith hammers, tempers, and shapes metal into things. Preferably objects though. However, Daniel Clement does not perform these actions. It is possible that "coolness" can be converted into an earthly metal (preferably iron at a low temperature). However, when something is cool and is worked on by a smith, it is heated and hammered to next Tuesday (similar to iron smithing, i.e. Wikipedia search Iron or Blacksmith for more details [cited sources only]), making it "uncool." If this is the clause, then this is Daniel Clement's actual true form. Meaning from the start of time, Daniel Clement originally(sic?) was a cooled piece of iron at the bottom of the mine, just chilling out and avoiding miners until he was finally picked out of the mine walls. The miners almost mistook him for cobalt, due to his infectiously toxic and deadly contagious exterior. Just the mere sight of Daniel Clement could kill a man. However, he is not cool enough to be Cobalt.
You can also think of it this way. You're playing Pokemon and you're training a team to beat the Elite 4. So you try to manage the best team you can and go to face The Pokemon League. When you beat them and the champion and become the champion yourself, you think back about how your quest played out. Then... it hits you. You remember that Level 2 Ratatta you caught at the beginning of the game. You shunned that Ratatta because it wasn't good enough ƒor you. It was the weakest and most pathetic Ratatta in the game and you caught it because you were drunk one night while traveling to Viridian City.
You cursed and hated yourself for days for catching that Ratatta. And you even tried to relieve yourself of this pain by taking it out on the Ratatta. Various methods involved: physically beating it for several days straight, abusing and teasing it, poisoning it's food, making it's girlfriend cheat on it, stealing all its money in poker, killing its dog and giving its computer 12,000 viruses... But it was never enough. None of that made up for the painful mistake of you wasting your expensive Pokeball on the most challenged pokemon in the game. The worst one ever computed in the entire database of the game. It was like an anomaly of bad luck had hit you like a shotgun point blank to the face. Arceus said this is the way it is, and will be, forever.
When you could not bare the pain anymore, you deposited the terrible creature into Bill's PC©, which was followed up by a phone call from Bill. His first words were, "What the hell is this?!" followed by "Get this out of my computer!" But you ignored Bill. You knew he would get over it. You wanted to release it, but you thought you'd save other trainers the pain of catching this. And you feared if it died, then it's ghost would haunt Lavender Town for centuries. And Lavender Town is already depressing enough as it is. So much that no one tours Lavender Town in Kanto. Most people become clinically depressed after visiting, seeing, or even hearing of Lavender Town. Word has it that soon they will take it off the map and build a large dome around it. Various Haunters die annually due to dome construction accidents. Channelers rejoice.
Your second fear was if this Ratatta were to die, it could re-incarnate (or, more commonly in video games, "re-spawn," as they are spawners and not carnates) back into the system and be re-captured by you or someone else down the road. You did not want to take this chance, so you asked Bill not to kill it. But.. it must be tortured daily. Otherwise it may be able to train itself in the computer enough to escape and leave Bill's residence, being able to be captured once again. Thus, Bill enforced torture on it enough to hinder it's health to the point where it can't get any stronger, but stay alive forever. He also gathered the 7 dragonballs and wished for the Ratatta to be immortal, an idea you were un-sure about, but you took that chance and didn't try to intervene. Daniel Clement only amounts to one of this Ratatta's feet.
