It's been about a year now since my old band has split up.
Looking at the past is something that is sometimes painful, occasionally fun, and mostly discouraging. These memorials of the dead on Facebook sometimes make me think about the unknown after death. But what really matters is that they make me realize how i am definitely a part of this town.
It seems weird to say that, but when I think about the people I know and those I went to school with (even the ones I don't talk to), I realize that I know people through other people. And that we're all connected. And eventually, I'll meet all of them officially whether I want to or not. Life will take me that way.
It's like I'm destined to be connected with everyone at some point.
I have looked at people in the past and said "I'll probably never talk to him/her..." and I ended up talking to them anyway. Not because I wanted to. Because life took me down that road.
If I tried harder to be more social and active, I could have a large portion of this town on my side. They could get to know me as a musician and support me. And I'd have the support of my home town.
Without trying, it's already becoming that. All who hear me and eventually meet me end up supporting me. Only a few times have I bumped into someone who I disagree or fight with. And hopefully those people will leave me alone now. I've found happiness. I have separated myself from those that make me unhappy, found a girlfriend, and improved on my music enough to be independent.
I wont stop here, of course. I'm always wanting more. But I don't have much depressing things to blog about right now. I'm not ashamed of myself. And I probably don't give myself enough credit. It's not worth trying to live so down your entire life and ignore opportunity. I'm not saying I have it all figured out. Not at 23. But now that things have changed so dramatically and the past is looking like something shiny that's broken beyond repair, I'm starting to believe that this life is something that can't be figured out for everyone. Maybe each of us as individuals work better and happier together, but life seems like a puzzle you have to solve on your own. Because it is your own life and only you know what you need to do with it.
