Christmas has come and gone. And it didn't feel much like Christmas. Probably due to me being older and also the dramatic change in friends in the last 6 months.
One late night previous of Christmas (probably on Festivus), I took a cold tread home from a friend's house. It was quiet. I didn't spend a lot of time thinking on that walk as much as I focused on getting home and out of the cold. But the memory I have of that walk lingers in my mind. And so, last night and some of today, I finally worked on a song to express my feelings for that particular moment in time. It's title is the same as this journal entry.
So life is what it is. Something I'm still not all over yet. I'm still here... just wasting my time. Something hasn't turned on yet. I'm aware of what I am doing and what I want to accomplish. I have no reason to hold back. It's like a switch is missing.
Time seems like it's endless, yet also running out.
And as time continues, I miss the past even more than ever.
Every day is a good day. Because when tomorrow comes, yesterday gets better. Even if it sucks now, I'll miss it later. I'll complain and complain... and then I'll miss the days I used to complain about.
I guess right now I really don't know what feelings I'm trying to get out. I'm obviously unsatisfied in my life right now, but also a bit confused. About people, goals, the future, and what to do or where to go. All these are huge things that need to be taken care of. But can you blame me if I feel like watching TV, playing a game, calling a friend, or even taking a walk may help me pull myself together? These are, by the way, the unproductive things I don't even like. Yet I feel like being distracted right now.
I might as well close it here. Because I just can't think of what to say anymore. Regardless of how I feel or where I'm at in life... I will never stop making music. No matter how pointless or important it is to the world.
